On Being Alone

New York: Union Square

Inspiration: "I restore myself when I am alone."  Marilyn Monroe.  

I am attracted, photographically speaking, to people sitting, standing or walking alone. Maybe because as social as I can be, I am a loner.  Only those who know me well understand this because I have a very talkative, energetic and extroverted exterior (thank goodness for my Leo rising).  According to my sister, a certain "loner gene" can be found in most members of our family (almost all on my Dad's side).  I've owned one of these so-called "loner genes" since birth and I totally embrace it. My guy is a bit of loner too, so we totally get each other's need to wander off on our own for a while and then meet up later with stories to tell about how we spent the day. When I travel with my best friend, we end up spending the majority of our time together.  But that's because, in addition to enjoying each other's company, we both know the other person is really independent and doesn't need to have someone around all the time. On top of that, we are good at being alone together. So hanging out is restorative as opposed to being exhausting.

People often mistake being alone for loneliness. But for many of us, taking some time to be alone is a choice. Or rather, a need. Moreover, being with another person all of the time doesn't always mean one isn't lonely. I just means one isn't alone. Meaningful emotional connection with other people is the thing that vanquishes loneliness. And for me, being on my own for a while, doing what I want to do (or doing nothing at all) without compromise is important for my mental well-being. When I wander around the streets of New York with just my camera for company, I am rarely aware that I am by myself. I am usually too consumed with ideas, pictures in my head that I am looking for in real life, and finding the right light.  

P.S. For a great article about aloneness in New York, check out Alone Together, which was published in New York Magazine two years ago.

Comments

[Alexandra]

More than I love this photograph and the mood it conveys (he seems to be off in his own world), I love what you wrote and I have to read it again to take it all in. I am a loner too but unlike you, people around me don't really get my need for space and my own time. Also, there's something you said that I will not forget soon:" . . . being with another person all of the time doesn't mean that one isn't lonely. It just means one isn't alone." How true! Wonderful, meaningful post. Thank you.

[The Photodiarist]

Thanks for the comment, Alexandra. And the beautiful compliment. I've finally had a chance to be alone lately (Boyfriend is in California for work and my job has simmered down a bit). So, I am just now realizing how much I missed time for myself.

[minor keys]

That's so beautifully written. I read it twice also. I completely agree; I am like that as well. I understand the wish to be alone. But loneliness v. solitude is a theme to which I keep returning unintentionally or unconsciously, and something that I cannot or do not know how to resolve. I can't explain it, but you're totally right about an emotional reprise. And beautiful photo too.

[loca por tu ropa]

Beautiful picture and text!! I don´t like to be alone but I understand what you write.
kisses from Madrid!
María

[Lisa]

oh this is so beautiful, what an capture of that boy, or it could be a girl even, you never know today. Stunning...how the thoughts go threw his head. Take care!

[alannah]

beautiful picture, love his hair.x

http://thatsweetaurora.blogspot.com

[the nyanzi report]

finally, someone that gets it! beautifully written and great picture to go with it. i am so much of a loner that my family think there's something wrong with me. "i just want to be alone and think." that's what i always tell them.

"When I wonder around the streets of New York with just my camera for company, I am rarely aware that I am by myself." that line says it all. now just replace NY for London. that's excatly how i feel, you know, gettting lost in your own head with ideas.

superb post!

[Gudrun and Iris]

great blog. solitude is a beautiful thing - i am charming and outgoing when with people and for work but if i have the choice i'd always rather be alone. i can spend weeks without seeing anyone. just me, mhy books, newspapers and the internet.
great blog. i shall check back regularly.

http://londonviennacologne.blogspot.com/

[Li]

oh! this post comes at such a moment after discussing our needs for being alone and reading the article on last month vanity fair of Marilyn Monroe on feeling alone, even w/ all the people around her (btw: very nice article) .... i really like the way you put it - if alone is a choice, that need of being alone is best to be honored ... having moments to yourself is like fresh air to plants - a necessity in life!

great topic, and perfect foto to compliment the story, xx

[Marcia]

Beautiful post, i am totally like that as well, it's so important to have that TIME alone, it's not a bad thing. Why not be alone?!!!

[Melissa]

I love this. I was sitting in a cafe recently, thinking the very same thing. For me it's less about being a loner, and more about learning to be alone -- to resist the compulsion to stick out feelers to anyone and everyone, and to learn how to stand on my own two wavering feet. It's a work in progress, but I'm getting there :)

[Marcia]

ahahaha No way!!!! I wonder if i have a picture of you, probably do lol Yes, please do post the picture, i would love to see it! xx

[jill]

Chills: you have nailed exactly how I feel. This is probably why I was instantly drawn to your blog (that and the brilliant photography). And come to think of it my sister would say the same thing, and the strain would definitely be my dad's family. (He was the most social of beings, utterly charming, and yet had a deep need to be alone and do solitary pursuits, like writing - and photography).

I'm also Leo rising, and my mother is a Leo and even as a child, I struggled with her need for me to have plans with various friends every waking minute that I wasn't in school. I even wrote in my diary, aged about 10, that I liked - needed - my time alone. Once I lived on my own in NY, that's where I really found my alone voice. If only blogs were invented then.

I use more words than most people - in posts, talking, even in comments. Because I'm quite flitty (as opposed to flirty) - I flit around - someone called it 'frothy' - I can be quite 'on', especially with new people. And it's exhausting. To them, to myself. I then need my time off even more.

It's only with people that I spend a lot of time with - close friends, family, and especially, my husband (another social loner) that I can calm down and be alone, in the best sense of the word.

Thank you for a beautifully written - and illustrated - post. I did a series the other day, in the City, which I was planning to post today, Remembrance Sunday. Instead of going on forever (like I have here) I'm going to just link my text to your post. Hope you don't mind.

Hope you're having a lovely weekend: together, alone, or both.

[Ann M.]

Gorgeous picture - I love the expression on his face and how calm it feels. Definitely understand the loner gene, I've got one too.

[Journey Photographic]

This resonates with me, especially the part about being an 'extroverted' introvert. Photographically-speaking, I especially like the juxtaposition between the lone skateboarder and the pair walking in the distance.

[The Photodiarist]

@ Journey Photographic: I love that you see what I see! That juxtaposition is what I LOVE about the photograph and inspired the shot.

@ Ann: It's actually a good gene to have in my humble opinion.

@ Jill: Incredible comment. Thanks for posting it. I love reading your words. Cannot wait to check out your post!

[Fashionistable]

I totally get this. I love my out and about on my own. And I totally love being with my husband. Great picture to illustrate your story. Xxxx

[nina]

Love this post!
xo Nina

[Nathalia]

wow... what I great post!
Loved to read what you have to say, and I admire the way you can capture so many beautiful moments!
You have a talent and God bless you for that! :)

Nat

Viaggio della Farfalla

The Key Item

[sixtine]

woooh these pictures are perfect ! :D

http://sixtinebaudelaire.blogspot.com
my personnal and fashion blog :)

<3

[Don]

I'm with you!